tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-35693759887571683002024-03-12T19:31:39.205-07:00Sweet NothingsCandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.comBlogger159125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-20097294761322053572015-08-21T10:26:00.002-07:002015-08-21T10:26:22.108-07:00Delivery day!When you find out you are pregnant, your world changes. Excitement sets in, fear, friends go nuts, it's fun. What your friends don't tell you is the truth about labor and delivery. Heck for that matter they don't tell you about pregnancy. It's not a picnic. It's hard. And I was about to do the hardest thing I had ever done in my life. <br />
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40 weeks, Monday January 26, 2015. They decided to induce, because I had a low Papp A hormone in my placenta. They found this early so they watched her growth closely. After 40 weeks, it could be dangerous to keep her in there longer due to lack of growth, hence taking her out was the best solution. <br />
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So we went into the hospital at 6 am, just to wait a few hours before I was induced. We were up at about 5:30 to get ready. I was nervous but at this point, you can't be too nervous anymore you are about to meet your precious baby at some point in the next day or so. It was the unknown and everyone is nervous about the unknown. </div>
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The nurses got me all hooked up, and we waited for the doctor to come in. She was planning on breaking my water, and hooking me up to pitocin. I wasn't a fan of having to have that, but it was the safest thing for the baby. So, she came into the room about 8:15, and broke my water, very uncomfortable, and hooked me up to pitocin. It was go time! I had no clue what was next! about 9:00, the contractions started coming on, and soon, got strong. It didn't take long for them to get strong at all. I was starting to be uncomfortable. The nurse kept checking on me, and finally about 10:30, I said ok enough is enough! I am not going to be a hero. No one is going to give me a medal for not taking the drugs. There wasn't a break in the contractions, they just kept coming and kept getting stronger. I couldn't even count or try the breathing exercises if I wanted to. </div>
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It was time for the epidural! I told the nurse I was ready, and good thing I went ahead and told her, because it took about an hour for the guy to get to us! Another, not so fun thing, they tell you its great afterwards, but when you are contracting and your whole body is tense and stiff, and trying to not move for a needle to go into your spine, the combination is ridiculous! But, hubby was a champ and made it so much easier for me to handle, he was helping me every step of the way! </div>
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After a short time of the medicine going in, I felt relief. I felt soooo much better. Women who don't take it, wow I applaud you but modern medicine is the way to go. They say it makes it harder, or you don't dilate as quick or the baby is lethargic, honestly, to get through all of it, its the best. The nurse rotated me from side to side, and lifted each leg, and soon, I was dilated enough to push. This was around 4:00 pm. The doctor came in and explained what was going to happen, and brought in a team of new nurses. In theory, the idea of pushing sounds "neat" but its not. Its actually the worst thing I have ever done. The way its explained is not what you think, and what happens when you do, well lets just be glad they don't take pictures of it! Then shift change at 7, the room was buzzing, literally I had 12 people in there at the same time. The nurses changed at almost the exact time she was born, it was insane. </div>
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3.5 hours of pushing, exhaustion, not eating since the evening before, being nervous and scared, miss Ashlyn was born, 7:29 pm, 7 lbs. 2 oz, 19.75" long. Perfection! And I had done it, with a smidge of help at the end, but I had her. And it was the craziest feeling in the world. Just minutes before she was inside my tummy, and here we were holding her in our arms. It was surreal and wonderful all at the same time. I didn't even notice the fact that I still had to pass the placenta, and that I was in pain still. I just wanted to meet her. </div>
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These are things people don't tell you, the emotions that you feel once you have your baby, the amount of love that all of a sudden comes out. Everyone gets happy. Its amazing, and if one can experience it, I highly recommend it :) </div>
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The other things people don't tell you is the aftermath. What happens next? Well most women, you have time with your little one, the nurses continue to monitor the uterus and contracting, and you start working on breast feeding. Roughly 3 hours later, things shifted for me. The nurses kept coming in, and massaging my belly, which isn't comfy either. My blood pressure was fine, it was the oxygen levels, and my pulse that was off. They kept checking on me, but things got difficult. I had to pee FINALLY, I thought I could get up and have help to the bathroom. The nurse and B helped me up, and slowly made it to the bathroom. I sat there, not knowing what to do, its like my body forgot how to pee. I had to, but it wouldn't come out. Then, I passed out, all of a sudden, and then I was awakened by smelling salts, and 2 more nurses I hadn't seen before. They helped me back to bed, it was so blurry and more nurses came in. They worked on me a bit, and cleaned me up, then left once I was stable. Shortly after, B was talking to me, and again I started to go, the smelling salts came back and a slew of nurses were back in. Dr. was called and this one larger black woman came in and talked to everyone. She told all the nurses to move aside, and she proceeded to ring my stomach out like a dishtowel. Then what happened next, oh I will save you from it! But lets just say, the other nurses jumped and I felt a huge relief. My blood was clotting and the uterus was not contracting. I think there was bits of placenta still inside. Dr. decided emergency surgery was needed to stop the bleeding and clean me out. Mom and Dad were called, it was after midnight now. They wheeled me back and I just remember being so scared and not exactly knowing what was going on. I woke up in recovery with my Dad sitting by my side. Brandon came in, and was talking to the nurse who had helped me before. Again, all a blur, but basically the Dr. had to perform a D&C on the rest of the placenta, and stitch up part of my uterus, this was a rare situation, doesn't happen to everyone. Oh good grief! I just wanted to see my husband and my new baby, I hadn't even had a chance to really hold her and breast feed her, because I had so much going on after she was born. </div>
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I was groggy, big time. I was back in the room, but didn't know what was going on half the time. I was swollen from fluids and meds, and couldn't see anything. B did all the work, he changed Ashlyn, he fed her with a dropper, and he held her. I was too weak and too sore to do anything. I couldn't even sit up. This was miserable. It was 5 am Tuesday now, and I barely knew what had happened since I was on so many meds. It took the rest of Tuesday before I felt like I could even hold my baby. I had to have help when I did. I couldn't make it to the bathroom, I had to have help, and again, when I say I couldn't make it, I couldn't make it. The staff there was great, keeping me clean, having patience, and holding me up. Wednesday I finally felt more like myself, I could hold Ashlyn, I could make it to the bathroom, not everytime but most, and I was shuffling now, instead of being held to walk. It was a horrible experience. All our friends and family had been calling and texting and facebooking, and no one knew what was going on or what happened to us why we hadn't posted anything, or was calling them back. Yes you want to share all the news, but we had so many scares, that we just wanted to make it through each day. Ashlyn was fine, she was perfect. </div>
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The pediatrician came in, and checked out the baby. Everything looked great! She was really a 10! Then, the doc checked her hips, and noticed they clicked. She said she may have hip dysplasia, and recommended we get it checked out by a specialist. Of course it didn't dawn on me what that meant, I just wanted to get used to trying to feed her and hold her. Nothing mattered at that moment, I just wanted to be a mom. </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-14349299107630678842015-06-29T07:10:00.002-07:002015-06-29T07:10:38.135-07:00Little artwork<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
I meant to post this awhile back, but I did the artwork for our little girls room. I enjoyed drawing and painting this so much. Its pen and ink, and water colors. I had found some artwork I liked, so I copied it and changed it a bit. B made the frames for the artwork, so it was a dual effort! </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-59206144875800391922015-06-29T07:00:00.001-07:002015-06-29T07:00:28.104-07:00Pictures <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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We decided to do maternity pictures, in December. What is normal about most Decembers is that its cold, no not in Florida. There are mosquitos, humidity, and heat. Of course, the one day we wanted to take pictures with winter clothes on, it was about 80 degrees, and I was HOT! <br />
But they turned out great, our neighbor did them for us. And of course B was not a fan of taking pictures, but I think one day he will appreciate this! <br />
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One of my favorites </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-80684379881347153552015-06-29T06:50:00.001-07:002015-06-29T07:00:23.158-07:003-D baby, amazing!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So the technology now is incredible! You can see your baby moving in 3-D! So naturally we did the ultrasound, not knowing if we would ever get to do this again. We wanted to do things that meant a lot to us. <br />
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This was so cute, I was talking to her and she started looking up and opening her mouth like she was responding, it was so cool! <br />
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And the coolest thing was that our family got to be part of the experience. I am glad we got a chance to do it! B was so sweet to set it up! </div>
<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-29044076202518003732015-06-29T06:45:00.002-07:002015-06-29T07:05:38.184-07:00It started to get real! So the summer ended, and fall came upon us, and then the holidays. November rolled around, and Thanksgiving. It took me back to just the year before in 2013, when around Thanksgiving, I was having my second miscarriage, and this year I was a very 7 month pregnant woman. It was a little scary still, we had December to get through and most of January. The year before rocked my world, I just didn't take the 2nd one well. I had seen it on the ultrasound screen. But this year was a happier time, and we had a lot to be thankful for. We were getting all the final things ready for the baby and B wasn't out fishing anymore, just in case she decided to arrive early, we just didn't know. <br />
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Sleeping at night started to get difficult, as if it wasn't already with peeing all the time. My hips started hurting the larger I got, and the bathroom breaks became every other hour. They say pregnancy gets you prepared for the sleepless nights to come...The pillows surrounded me as if I had a fort around me, our king size bed was much needed! Everything started to get difficult. I couldn't lean over to shave in the shower, I remember trying and could only get half my legs done. I had chipped toenail polish and I couldn't lean over to repair that. Picking things up got hard, I would ask co-workers to pick things up for me which was often because when you are pregnant you drop EVERYTHING! Its like you loose control of your hands! They are so fat and weak, nothing can be gripped. They don't tell you a lot of this stuff! I got winded walking fast, I had to sit a lot, and drink a ton of water, so my bathroom breaks were ridiculous. My clothes were starting to get tight, my maternity clothes! I didn't want to buy for a month so I stuck it out. I remember having to get B to take my toenail polish off, and my mom did my toes haha! I also had him shave my legs, it was getting bad. I had to really focus to put on shoes, which were slip ons, but to make sure I put the right colors on. I had B help me put lotion on my legs and feet at night, I had help getting in and out of bed sometimes, and off the couch. Aching and pains were everywhere, and she kicked me all the time. I had heartburn and indigestion from water, and air. It was a challenge! And the tiredness came back! Towards the end, I sat on a towel at work, and had one in the car, in case my water broke. I also had towels and liners in the bed at night, I had to be prepared! <br />
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And in December, when the weather was cooler, I was still hot. I had to walk outside at work to cool off. It was just back to being miserable. Being pregnant isn't magical, you are making a human and it takes everything out of you. Its wonderful but man I had every symptom! <br />
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Around the holidays, my family all came into town, along with B's parents too. We had a revolving door, my mom, dad, sister, fiance, and grandmother, along with in laws. We were busy. Everyone wanted to spend time with us before the baby. And B decided with all the family around, what better way to spend the holidays but tearing up the back deck. You see, about a month prior, I was on the phone with my friend and sat down outside because I was hot, and the chair went through the deck! I went flying forward, the phone went the other way, and the chair went yet another way. Its funny if you think about it. I didn't think I was THAT heavy! No it was rotten and mildewy and had to go. So B thought that it would be great to get this done when he was off, also the same time as all our family was around. It also rained the entire holiday! <br />
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It was quite the job, the deck was the entire length of the back of the house, and it was so wet the whole time. And I couldn't help at all! </div>
We did break to open gifts!<br />
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And then he started up again with the framing! </div>
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And we took breaks to document my belly...</div>
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And then the fun started, putting baby things together. Which posed to be very difficult. The directions don't even help, its horrible! We had a time! </div>
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The holidays were fun but we were exhausted. When all was said and done, we had a half completed deck, a house full of boxes from gifts and baby things, and a need for sleep! We had a month to go once the holidays were over, and we wanted to take advantage of that time the best we could. <br />
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-70061944316548243542015-06-18T09:43:00.001-07:002015-06-18T09:43:21.819-07:00Showers and showers of giftsWhen you are pregnant with your first the world showers you with gifts. People come out of the woodwork almost, and you get things you will never use, things you will use once, and things you will use ALL the time. Its amazing how many thank you cards you go through.<br />
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But when you are pregnant for the first time after losses, and fertility issues, showers are not the same. You are nervous, constantly. Each present you open, you worry, will the baby ever use this? Will you ever get to see the baby wear this? Will the baby make it here? I know morbid, but thats what was going through my mind. I was tearful each time I had a shower. I had 3 too. One in SC with his family, one at work, and one with friends here in town, a co-ed shower. <br />
I also had one at work. Overall it was a lot! It was wonderful but you just worry that all this showering and happiness will be cut short. You just are scared. Its just the way anyone feels that has had losses, and have had trouble getting pregnant. Its a terrible feeling and you want to feel excited and happy but you worry constantly. Each cramp, each spot, each weird headache, all make you worry. <br />
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B's patients and random people were also so good to us. We got more clothes and beautiful blankets, it was amazing how many people were so good to us. We had a spoiled little girl who hadn't made her appearance and didn't know how wonderful life would be! <br />
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Everyone was so too to us! </div>
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It just kept coming! </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-76645166494851207692015-06-08T09:10:00.001-07:002015-06-08T09:10:48.546-07:00And its a......The day had finally arrived, the day that hubby and I would find out what we were having. It had been 17 weeks, and every month we had had 2 appts, 2 docs to see. An ultrasound each time, measuring, blood work, heartbeats, exams, we were ready to have the info on what we were having. Was it a boy or a girl? Naturally everyone wants a healthy baby, which is what we were ok with. I would have loved my husband to have a boy, to play with, fish with, etc. I also would have loved to have a girl, someone to play with and dress up with, maybe future shopping buddy. But either way, we would be happy. Our family was in hopes for a girl, only because hubbys family was full of boys, and Gigi would love to have a girl to spoil. My mom of course, had tons of girls things, so a girl would be easy. <br />
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We went in, and started the appt. Lots of pics, lots of measuring again. Finally, it was time, the nurse had a screen shot, she said, are you interested in finding out? We both said yes! She said ok, here it is! 3 little lines! Its a girl! Think Pink was what she typed on the screen shot! OMG! I turned to B and said, well, Gigi is going to flip! I think he was shocked, but not surprised at all. We were excited, it was going to be fun. <br />
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So then I had to go to work, and keep quiet! We told our family that we would tell them first, and then tell friends. B went out after that and bought a pink shirt for work, so cute. Then he baked a strawberry cake with white icing and made sure no pink showed through. We would facetime later that night with both families. And B's brother, wife and boy were also going to come over, it was going to be a big reveal! <br />
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It was pretty funny, we had 2 ipads, an an iphone working, so that my parents, his, and my sister all were on at the same time. My mom even had my grandmother come over. It was a family event! We had dinner, and then made the calls. I grabbed a knife, and a spatula, and started to cut. I know I was taking forever on purpose haha! Then the pink started to show and everyone screamed! Its a girl! YAY! <br />
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It was so fun to do that. And the cake was delicious too. We all were just so excited, a girl in the family finally. I had no idea how much fun it was going to be. </div>
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Always pink and purple skies! </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-15625971211199314132015-06-08T09:08:00.002-07:002015-06-08T09:08:39.552-07:00Summer of 2014<br />
So here I was pregnant, and working on a large project, which required me to be on a construction site, and work long hours. Go me! I couldn't complain, the stars were aligning. <br />
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I went to our first OBGYN appt, week 9, and had an ultrasound. Again, that beautiful heartbeat, and the site of a little bean inside me growing. At this point, I started taking pictures of what size fruit it was and me. Yeah that was short lived...my fatigue got the best of me, and the heat! </div>
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It was just so la di da, in the doc's office, here is the heartbeat, here is the fetus, and see you back in a month. Here is your appt to go to your high risk doc, thanks! I guess I had been through so much, and this was so normal, that I expected fan fair, or something. I mean we got a goodie bag, and coupons. Oh well, people get pregnant all the time, not me though. This was not normal for me, and I had been through the ringer to get here. </div>
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I went to work each day, trying to keep it together. Amongst my morning sickness, meetings, walking all over the place, my stupid cravings, moods, not being allowed to carry anything, multiple appts. since I was high risk and soon, gaining weight, I was exhausted. I came home each day and fell into the sofa. I napped every day, sweetie barely saw me, or had a descent meal for months. I felt terrible, literally, but I couldn't help it. The first trimester is no joke, the fatigue was major. The cravings were intense! I ate an entire cantaloupe every other day. He was going to the store all the time for those things. I also couldn't get enough chicken tenders, and krispy kreme doughnuts. Before I had had other cravings, like fudge sickles, pop tarts and plain lays potato chips. All seemed yummy at the time, but I didn't want to crave what I did in the past for those other pregnancies. Then came the cucumbers, and the steak and shake burgers. It was specific. </div>
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I then spent the remaining of the summer hiding my pregnancy from my boss as we traveled each week in the car for 2 hours to Orlando for our construction project. I held in my pee, I drank fake caffeine, and took snacks with me saying I didn't have time to eat breakfast. It was hard. I needed to eat and I wasn't able to eat like I needed to during our trips. She was on a major diet, and didn't want to eat anything. I was always famished. We would stop and eat, and I could have eaten that meal twice. And I had to suck it up and make a grilled cheese or quesadilla when I would get home. Not to mention it was hot out, it was summer in Florida. It was loud on the site, dusty, concrete, on my feet, I was nervous as it was, this made it worse. <br />
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My clothes were starting to grow tighter on me, and I was having trouble hiding things or so I thought. Apparently my co-workers suspected nothing. But I saw my belly growing, and my hips getting wider. I was also hot hot hot, all the time. I had a fan on me most of the day, and gingerale at my desk. Cheese and crackers were my friends, and I had to leave my desk alot to race to the restroom not only to pee, but to calm down when I would have cramping or spotting. The summer was scary, the first trimester was scary. And all awhile, I hid this pregnancy, my black and blue stomach from the heparin (which I was still on) and my backside was extremely sore from progesterone shots still. I was worn out. The year before, all the fertility, now the pregnancy, my crazy work schedule, it was hard. But I was sooooo happy about the little bean inside. I just wanted it to stay put. And every so often something would comfort me to know it was going to. <br />
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Growing bigger as the summer drags on! </div>
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CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-57692199254791947012015-05-29T13:44:00.000-07:002015-05-29T13:44:26.451-07:00The most beautiful sounds <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
We went a few weeks after our news, and had to wait to hear and see the baby. I had a few scares, cramping sometimes, a little bit of spotting, and a lot of worry. We were at week 6, and went in to see our doctor, the one that helped us get here. We went in, and had the ultrasound, and immediately heard a heartbeat and saw the little bean moving inside. It was a baby! 120 beats per minute, the most amazing sound we had ever heard. It was strong, and on track. There was the picture of the little one, small and beautiful. Hubby and I teared up, we couldn't help it. We had never been here before. It was amazing. I also knew we were only 6 weeks in, and we had a LONG way to go. Anything could happen, but we were hopeful. The funnies thing was the doctor said congrats its a girl! HAHA, he then said he was right 50% of the time, wow he is a comedian. We left there with a picture, tears of joy and an OBGYN's name to call. We also were instructed to continue our meds, which at this point were beyond uncomfortable. Sweetie had brought home some numbing spray to help my hind parts prior to the shots. All in all, this was hard, everything was. To keep quiet, to not worry, to continue medication, and to get through the next 34 weeks. </div>
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I got home that night and went out to pick some flowers. My hydrangea was purple/pink, not blue, and everything blooming was practically pink. I guess that was my first sign, and I didn't know it ; ) Those flowers in my garden really knew a thing or two, I needed to trust them. Little did I know....</div>
<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-17751718344352432082015-05-19T14:24:00.000-07:002015-05-19T14:24:06.356-07:00Will May never end! I know right another May post! I told you it was a long month. Anytime you do anything with fertility, its long. Its a process. Nothing is quick, its a miracle really that anyone gets pregnant on their own. The stars and moon and sun and the universe have to be just right.<br />
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May 19th, hubby and I had to know. I knew if I waited till the 20th, and it was negative, I would be devastated. He wouldn't be with me, he would be at work when I get the call. It was like the times before, we checked the day before to help me get through this. Again, no romance, no happiness, when you pee on a stick after a fertility treatment. Its pretty much a holding of your breath, and hoping you can breathe. Again, it takes forever for the stick to turn too. So I did it, and hubby stayed in there with me, and I handed it to him. We waited, I couldn't look, but then I wanted to, and we just looked together. <br />
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Positive! We started crying at this point. It didn't mean we were out of the woods, it was the beginning of who knew what. It just meant, I would go in and feel good about my May 20th appt to give blood. And then, we would have to wait 2 days for another test for levels to rise or fall. So that second test would be the day of our cruise.</div>
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I went in the following day, for a screening, and then I would have to wait all day long for the results, a phone call. They would call before 4:00. And they called, at like 3:30, to tell me it was positive. A 179, which was good. It needed to double or more in 2 days. I went home from work, nervous, excited for a minute, but nervous. I started packing for our cruise which was in less than 2 days. </div>
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Another day at work, and I had to keep quiet. I mean I would be keeping quiet for weeks if this took. I finished packing that night, and in preparation, I took pads and liners, worrying that I would start to miscarry on the cruise, and I would need heavy flow gear, along with my bathing suits. All my suits were one pieces, as my stomach and butt were pin cushions, and looked as though I had been in several odd fights. I was black and blue, and swollen. One pieces are in style, why not right! </div>
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Friday came around, and we went in first thing in the morning. We were told we would get called by the afternoon, and knowing our afternoon, I needed to have the call prior to us leaving port. We would be leaving around 4 pm into international waters, with no cell reception. Can we get any more complicated! </div>
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We made it to the port, unloaded the cars, and started our journey to the ship. Sweetie wouldn't let me carry much, so it was getting obvious to family what was going on. His parents knew but my brother and sister in law did not. We started to relax onboard, unpacking and changing into our cruising gear. Sweetie and I explored the boat, and tried to be alone if we could. I knew if I got that call and it was bad news, I would not be doing well. We waited, and waited. I finally called about 2:30 wanting to know the results, and I was told I would have to keep waiting, they would call me. Soon, we were called to our muster stations for practicing an evacuation and we were told all cell phones to be off. I think not! I am about to find out some of the most important thing in my life I will keep my phone on thank you very much. I started to get very anxious and panicked. It was almost 4, and we were jammed packed in the muster station. I will never forget this as long as I live, here we were, surrounded by Indian folk, it was hot, I was short around all the tall men, it was loud, and there wasn't a breeze. Hubby stood behind me, I gripped my cell phone in my hands, and it rang. In the middle of the hot, uncomfortable muster station, surrounded by strangers I was going to get my news. He grabbed the phone, as my heart sank to my feet, and raced through the crowd away from me to answer it. I was alone, and I couldn't see him. I was literally surrounded by hundreds of people and I was alone. I started to cry under my glasses. I couldn't see him, where was he. Why is this taking so long, I know that was the call. I strained my neck and stood on my toes, no sign of him. He ran away with my fate. OMG! I can't take this, I am crying at this point, and praying I can get through whatever is coming my way. I am praying to stay calm, to keep cool, I was praying for a breeze at least. All of a sudden, arms wrapped around my waist, and he whispered in my ear, 440. 440!!!!!! I grabbed his hands, and he kissed my neck, I kept crying. It doubled and then some. He had made our first ultrasound appt for June 4th. We would get to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. I was over the moon. Around those people, we were the only ones, I heard nothing more, but him talking to me. We had made it farther than we did in the past, with high numbers. Now, to make it through the weekend. Now to make it to June 4th. Due date, estimated was January 25th. Now we could celebrate, at least this one victory. We were not out of the woods yet. </div>
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CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-43326398078434413802015-05-19T14:23:00.002-07:002015-05-19T14:23:55.329-07:00May continues....it seemed to be a long month! <br />
The days leading up to May 9th seemed to be the longest days. It was the anticipation of another FET. I had so many emotions, I was nervous, scared, happy, worried, excited, and so forth. There really isn't words to describe how you feel when you are going through fertility treatments, and the days leading up to a procedure that would change your life, no matter what the outcome. Thats the crazy part, no one really talks about the way you feel. Of course, I can't even describe it. And thinking back, it was like 2 days before Mother's day, of course thats like the worst time to do it.<br />
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Something I did different this time, was I went the night before for a massage. I figured, you know, it wouldn't hurt to be extra relaxed. I also painted my toes and nails, plucked my eyebrows, I could at least look good doing all this to myself. It was for a good cause, it was a gamble but the gamble could produce a beautiful baby one day. That was a gamble we were willing to take. <br />
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Waiting.....</div>
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We went in, like normal. I drank a ton of water prior to the procedure, as part of the protocol. That way your uterus is in the right position. And I sat in the waiting room with other couples, doing the same thing, drinking water, and waiting for their fate. Its the worst wait, having to pee, and waiting to get pregnant. Its not romantic at all. They give you a time to come in, so they can thaw out the little popsicles, and get things ready for the transfer. No romance at all. And to top it all off, you feel just empty. You have been taking medication all month to shut your system down so that you don't ovulate or have your period. But you aren't alone, the waiting room is full of others in the same boat. Thats how I would get through things. Then called back, about to pee in your pants, having to gown up and get ready. Having to pee that bad is bad enough as it is, when you know you are about to have about 5 people look at your private area, stick a probe inside and hope for the best....its the weirdest feeling really. I was getting used to this, but you never get used to wondering if you are pregnant or not. Thats the worst. Then in 10 days, you go back in for a blood test to see if its positive or not, then 2 days later to check your levels, to make sure they double. So you wait for 2 weeks in agony. Oh yes, this was how it was going to be. </div>
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We went home, feeling hopeful, ready to rest for the next two days, on my back really. And then for 2 weeks just relax and not do alot of activity. Only one girl at work knew I was going through all of this, that way if I needed her to carry something for me or help me in general get through a day of spotting or bleeding, she was there. I had to think the worst, I knew nothing else. </div>
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The cruise was coming up. That was something to look forward to. However, I counted the days, and 2 days prior to the cruise was the day I would find out, and then the day of the cruise, I would have to go in for another blood test. Then I would not have any access to phones for the entire weekend. It was Memorial day weekend and our anniversary weekend. Oh good grief! <br />
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CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-62726678630220511412015-05-19T14:04:00.001-07:002015-05-19T14:04:17.445-07:00The busiest month ever, May 2014The winter was sort, but thats the way it is in Florida, short and sweet. I was busy with work, trying to get one of the biggest projects I have worked on underway, a healthcare clinic. For once I had a project that was high level! I was busy with Etsy, since all I had been doing was crafts to keep my mind off of everything going on in our lives. My marriage was strong, and we were happy. I was even happy with my weight, which was something I spent the entire year of 2013 on due to PCOS. Overall I really had things good, the only thing missing was the start of our family. But, May was coming and that was when we were going to do another FET, end of the month. I got a all end of March, the nurse said they had openings on May 9th, and she wanted to encourage me to take that day instead. I was hesitant but I figured it was a sign I should say yes. <br />
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Hubby booked the annual cruise with the company, it was on our anniversary weekend, which would include his parents, brother and sister in law and their 18 month old son. So here I was counting days till the FET, and realized that after May 9th, we would wait 2 weeks and find out yay or nay. That would be about the time we would be going on the cruise. So I could have a fabulous time with good news, or bleed the whole time on my period or miscarry along with an 18 month old by our sides. Boy I couldn't wait! Of course after our misfortunes we had had, I thought the worse, I didn't want to get my hopes up. And it was our 4 year anniversary, so I guess I just had to keep moving and not think about it too much or it would consume me. <br />
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We started medication, this time, I added heparin shots every day since I had a clotting factor, and progesterone shots, which I taken before, but this time I was determined to take them the whole time, for a month, rather than switch over to the cream. I was told that the shots were more effective. I had a long spring ahead of me, well us! Tons of shots, and medication. <br />
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This was a rose from our rose bush, one of 2 that we planted for our past miscarriages. Oddly enough, both rose bushes bloomed the week of our FET, along with 1 purple Iris from hubby's grandmothers yard, and a white lily. I really think it was too ironic, don't you think? </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-79788429082701105322015-05-06T23:06:00.000-07:002015-05-06T23:06:22.657-07:002014, another new year...2014 had arrived. I reflected on 2013. It had been quite a year. We did IVF, had a miscarriage, I had been to Neocon in Chicago which was something I had always wanted to do, we had been to the gulf coast, we had an FET, and another loss, and I landed a large clinic project at work. My career seemed to be going so well, and our personal lives were good, minus the losses. We got the bloodwork back that I did before the holidays. I had a blood clotting disorder called MTHFR. Hmm...interesting! The doctor said he saw this a lot with reoccurring miscarriages, and if we did the procedures again, he would recommend being on heparin. And so we then did our little surgery, to come to find out I had a septum in my uterus, which the doctor removed. Another thing was that the embryo may have attached to the septum, which doesn't have any blood flow. So we had 2 things we had found out in less than a month and after a year of heart ache. I hate that we couldn't have found this sooner, but sometimes you try to do the least invasive thing before you go in and do more. Its a conservative approach and I get it.<br />
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We had found some potential culprits, but I wasn't ready to jump back into the fertility pool just yet. I needed to take some time. My husband agreed, so I focused on work an the house for a couple of months. End of March, we started talking about it again. We wanted a family, we wanted a baby, it was looming. I got my nerve back up quicker than I thought. So I called the doctor and scheduled an end of May procedure. CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-86518529490969357452015-04-21T10:52:00.000-07:002015-04-21T10:52:27.035-07:00The groupAfter the last miscarriage, reality set in. This may not happen ever. We didn't have luck on our own, we didn't have luck with medication, and the procedures, I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with me. (I know every girl says that, and they shouldn't, its the way your body is, its not something you can help). <br />
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So I wanted to find others that may be in my same situation. Thats not easy to do, not many people talk about it, and definitely don't say on Facebook, hey guess what we are infertile! So you have to search. A friend of mine introduced me to a girl in NC over FB that had been through 5 miscarriages, but never fertility treatments. She and I started chatting, and she mentioned that I should visit a group. That felt like AA or something, a group to talk about my feelings. I thought well, I guess it couldn't hurt. Why not!! So, she helped me locate one in Florida, and soon after the last miscarriage I went to a meeting.<br />
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It was so odd, I showed up at the church, and walked into a group of randomness. There were all sorts of walks of life, all couples and I was alone. I didn't think hubby would want to go, so it was just me. In reality I wished he was there. I heard everyone's stories, and I cried for them. I mean my story seemed so minor compared to theres. Loosing kids, loosing babies it was horrible. It made me scared to have one. I thought, there is too much loss out there. I left the meeting so upset and so frustrated for those people. I couldn't believe how much pain they had gone through. The whole thing made me sick. In theory, the idea of a group is good. I think it helped me put things in perspective, but it made me sad. This was real and I wished it wasn't. <br />
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Soon after that, we went back to the doctor to talk about options, and what had happened to us that year. Doctor told us he wanted me to have a panel of bloodwork done called a miscarriage panel, and recommended surgery to see what was going on in my uterus. All this scared me, but we figured it was best. So we scheduled the surgery for the end of January and did the bloodwork right before the holidays. We had done so much and come so far to not know. CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-66540125010801726102015-04-21T10:51:00.002-07:002015-04-21T10:51:47.010-07:00Craft fair, and pregnant...(November)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
A good friend of mine asked me to display my Blue Chair product at her craft fair. I gladly said yes! It was going to benefit the humane society, which I thought was great! So part of our profit would go to the dogs and cats! So exciting! So she asked me well, back in the summer, so I started getting my inventory ready back in June. I knew I had a lot to work on, and I worked full time, and we were about to start all the fertility treatments. I didn't know what would come of anything. </div>
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Sorry this post is a little out of order, but at the time of this craft fair I was about 5 weeks pregnant in November, not knowing that the outcome of this one was going to be a loss. I had literally poured myself into sewing and projects to keep my mind off of things from the previous loss. Its just a blur, looking back at the whole process. This helped at times, to just lock myself into the sewing room and not come out for hours during the weekends. I didn't have to answer to anyone outside, or spend time with anyone, who would ask me why I wasn't pregnant or had kids yet. Its just a crazy time, when you are going through fertility treatments, and not telling people around you. Its heartbreaking when you get the news that it didn't work, or that it did and it was only a matter of time that you wouldn't have it anymore. Its so sad, and so many women and men go through this struggle. </div>
<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-76516573454200198862015-04-21T10:47:00.001-07:002015-04-21T10:47:39.271-07:00Results from October 12 long days. AGAIN! Its literally the longest 12 days of your life. You are trying to pay attention to your body, to figure out if you are pregnant or not. We wanted this so much, we had come so far. It had been 2 years, and we were exhausted. I know some people try for longer, and we would have but we decided to go for the big guns. I was now in my 30's and I knew that time would start ticking. <br />
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12th day, into the clinic, tested and waited for the call. The call came, positive! Got the numbers, and they were good, come back in 2 days, to see if the levels had doubled. 2 days later, came back the numbers had gone up, but not doubled. They said that was ok, to come back in 2 days. 2 days later, numbers went up a little more but didn't double. I was getting scared. They told me that it was inconclusive just yet, to wait it out. I was 5 weeks at this point, and I started spotting. They told me that was normal. A week later, I started bleeding more, 6 weeks now. I went in for an ultrasound. There it was, on the screen, the embryo in a little open space in my uterus. I saw it. But the doctor said, you know, its a little flat looking, which isn't good. He said there was a chance of another miscarriage to come back in a few days. In the mean time, go home, lay flat, relax, drink water. <br />
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The weekend came and went and I went back to work. Then things started happening. I started having contractions at work one day. I know they were not as strong as labor, but I am pretty sure they were like mild labor. They were worse than period cramps, and they were 5 min apart. They made me tear up in pain, and couldn't breathe properly. I was in a meeting, and I couldn't stand it. I had to leave. As soon as it was over, I took my manager aside, and told her, "I think I am having a miscarriage". She immediately told me to go home, or do what I needed to do. As hard as it was, I left, and I called the doc. They told me to come in, they would work me in. Hubby said he couldn't be there, but to call him when I went in, he would be on speaker. Still contracting, and bleeding a lot, I went in. Another ultrasound, and hubs on the phone, there was nothing. It was gone, or leaving. I burst into tears, they were truly the worst tears. He was crying on the line, the nurse was hugging me, and the doctor was just telling me how sorry he was. He was not happy either. This was our 2nd miscarriage that year, and one IVF, one FET. Again, devastation. I went home, and my MIL drove from South Carolina to be with us. That night, I remember basically collapsing on the bathroom floor, with my husband, in tears. I was in so much pain emotionally, and I couldn't express anything but cry. Luckily it was getting close to the weekend, so I took that Friday off, and just rested. I bled for a month this time. Then I went to NC for Thanksgiving. We had talked about telling them at dinner about the baby, but now we just had to deal with the loss. I was still bleeding while in NC. I think I finally stopped around the first of December. <br />
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-67253321411163794952015-04-21T10:47:00.000-07:002015-04-21T10:47:02.960-07:00October <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
After our little blow with a good friend dropping the bomb that she was pregnant, many others were posting on Facebook, and hubby and I were getting over things. Work was going great, I just landed a huge job designing a medical clinic, and potentially would have 15 in the future to design. So life was getting back to normal. We decided after our little vacation in Lido (gulf coast) we would try again. We wanted a family, and I thought that why not try again while we were fresh with what we had to do. So we booked the FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer) for October 31st....not the best day in my opinion, but ok. Beginning of October, we went to Lido. </div>
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We bought beach cruisers, packed them in the pickup truck, and had a room on the beach facing the sunset every night. We walked to dinner after drinks in the room, there were plenty of places in the circle to shop and eat. It was so nice. We took a kayak trip, we went to a museum, we watched movies, laid on the beach, road bikes, and picked up shells. It was so nice, and relaxing, I didn't want to leave!!! </div>
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All this trip we were starting the meds again though, to get my body ready for the FET. To do so, you shut your ovaries down. That way, you don't produce any eggs, since you are putting a fertilized egg inside to grow. You prepare your uterus for the embryo as well. Its a different amount of medication, but still there are shots, pills and creams. We were hopeful, but we also didn't get too excited about the whole thing. </div>
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October 31st rolled around, and back into the doc. This time, you don't go under, you just are awake. It is what it is, there is pain, its not comfortable, but it is the way we have to go. And then, we transferred, and so again, technically I was pregnant. </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-56784517474073286242015-04-21T10:45:00.000-07:002015-04-21T10:45:23.110-07:00The callI will have to say, it was taking me time to get over things. I know I didn't have the pregnancy long, but it was there, and it took so much to get there. We wanted to go to a game in NC, and see friends. We figured that would be fun. We also started looking into a vacation for the two of us, to get away, we decided October would be our best month. We had a few things to look forward to and that was exciting. So in September we decided to make the trek to NC. <br />
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I got a call one afternoon, it was late August maybe first of September. I literally had just finished miscarrying, and I had gotten my smile back. If we had had the baby, we would have been due in April 2014. We had been working on our next idea for the house, and Hubby and I were strong. My good friend back home called, and she wanted to talk about the upcoming game. She was going to be there with her husband, along with several others we were excited to see. I will never forget it, I was in the parking lot of the grocery store, about to go in to get dinner, and she said "Candace, I wanted to tell you before you all came for the game, that we are pregnant and due in April!" I think I died inside, but held it together for the call and told her how happy I was! I had to lie, I mean I was happy for her, but I was lying to myself. She said she was due beginning of April, exact week we would have been due. It was uncanny. I then had to see her and others at the game in a few weeks, and I had to keep it all together. I didn't tell her a thing, I wanted her to be happy with everything and I wanted to be happy for her. <br />
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No one could understand what we had gone through, no one we knew that is, and no one really knew how we felt. It was not something I would wish upon anyone. But when you get news of friends or anyone expecting, you can't help but have this pit in your stomach just hurt. Its like someone is stabbing you in the stomach, you have to stop the tears and stop any words of pain coming out of your mouth. You then get this strange almost reflux come up through your throat, and hang there, almost paralyzing your voice. Then you have to smile, and laugh and seem excited through watery eyes that you are holding back, and sarcasm. You don't want to be that way, you aren't that way but its the way you feel at the moment. You want a family so much it hurts. You want your husband to have a child so much, that you feel inadequate. Its a horrible feeling. You just want to run in a hole, and not come out till you are pregnant. I don't think I can describe those feelings any different, you don't want to feel the way you do or act the way you act, but you do and you can't help it. Its like something else takes over. CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-63079127796077859832015-04-14T07:13:00.000-07:002015-04-14T07:13:23.018-07:00Project Management: Back door and pantry, and the results...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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So, in the midst of everything we were going through, we did what we typically do, start another project. I truly think that my husband did this to get his mind off of what we were going through, and to have things to talk about with his patients and people he met other than to talk about the fact he didn't have children. <br />
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We wanted to get French doors on the back since we bought the house. </div>
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I can imagine that having to tell people you meet constantly, "no we don't have any little ones" and then for them to ask "why not, or do you want any" knowing that you do, and that currently your wife is going through a torturous 12 days of waiting to find out whether she is pregnant or not, and how much time and money you just spent to possibly not have it work. Its exhausting to even think that, and smiling each day is hard. </div>
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Then we added a pantry in the front of the house, in the "sitting room" that is o so not useful! Its great, we keep extra food, the vacuum, all our appliances for the kitchen, towels, sheets, games, our winter coats that we may never wear again in Florida but want to have them for when we travel north, and light bulbs! Its a great use of space, and I am proud of my hubby for coming up with the design! I got to paint the room purple, the door yellow for ECU, and the side in the hallway chalk paint so I can draw and write all over it. Its such a great use of space!! I love it! And it got our minds off of things. </div>
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12 days later, tested, and we got a positive. We were so excited, we just couldn't believe it worked, we were pregnant. It was surreal! Of course when you first find out, you are scared and excited, all kinds of emotions. </div>
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So we went to the doc, to test the levels, they were ok. They told me to come back in 2 days, they needed to double and things would be looking good. 2 days past, and I went back in for more tests. I waited all day for the call, just to find out, my levels didn't double, they actually went down a few points. They wanted to test me again in 2 days, it may have just been a bad reading. </div>
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2 days later, back in, more tests, then the call. Levels had dropped again. I was going to loose it. It had only been 3 weeks since we did the procedure. They told me to just be prepared for my period to start any day now. Well, it didn't, I went another 2 weeks with nothing, and the 6th week I finally started bleeding. It took 6 weeks for the embryo to leave me. We were devastated. </div>
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Then, I had to wait this out, 3 weeks of bleeding. I know this is graphic, but it was. It was heavy, and painful, in many ways, physically and emotionally. My levels dropped so they didn't feel a need to do a D&C, so we waited things out. This was August at this point, mid summer, the weather was hot but gorgeous, and we decided we needed a vacation. We had just gone through IVF, and a miscarriage, and I didn't know if I could ever do it again. </div>
<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-27678885744537284332015-04-14T07:07:00.002-07:002015-04-14T07:07:26.567-07:00Information day Spring, the flowers in the garden were blooming, and the weather was warm. I was enjoying getting tan for the summer earlier than in NC. We also were visiting the doctor again, talking about more options. The doctor really said our next step was to either have exploratory surgery or IVF. IVF was something hubby and I talked about when he had his tumor, not knowing this could actually be real one day. At the time, I was completely ok with it, and then again today, when it was becoming a real topic, I was scared out of my mind. IVF isn't anything to take lightly. Its a journey in itself. <br />
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So what you have to do, is get regulated, but being on birth control for a month, and also to sync up with other girls going through the process. They like for a group to be going through it instead of individuals. Which in theory makes sense, but after the procedure, I found that it wasn't as easy to be in a group. Everyone is excited if they get positives, and upset if they get negatives, and you have to watch others around you get good and bad results, all together. I know it makes sense for the docs. <br />
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Then, after BC for a month, you start to build up your ovaries. They want them to be huge, full of eggs. They become the size of grapefruits, and you look 3-4 months prego. There is pain, the ovaries are so big, it feels like the worse ovulation you have EVER had. In my case, that was a new experience since I rarely ovulated. Then, they would do a procedure to remove the eggs, then merge with the specimen (taken in the office same day) and left to grow for 5 days. Once the 5 days arrives, you can tell how many embryos survived, and they insert them back in. Then any remaining get frozen for any future transfers. So there is fresh and frozen. Fresh is IVF and happens 5 days after retrieval. Frozen is called Frozen Embryo Transfer, and they thaw out the little guys, which in turn is like a 5 day fresh transfer. Yeah I was overwhelmed! The doctor and nurse were giving us all this information along with what it may cost. We were again shocked. And that was not mentioning the medication. Medication that had to be refrigerated, and was time sensitive. I had no idea what was about to happen. <br />
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-13390445138176592802015-04-14T06:40:00.000-07:002015-04-14T06:40:40.233-07:00New Year....2013We were hopeful, this was a new year! Everyone always says that, new year, and new things to come, new outlook, and new hopes. We of course went right to the doctor first part of the year, because we wanted to know what our next steps were. We had heard hubby had a low count, and I had PCOS, and so we wanted to find out what our options were. This time, we met with the doctor. At the time, I was 2 days into my friend, and the doc said we should go ahead and try IUI again. Hubby got tested again, and it was normal, odd....and I got checked, and started the process again. I then started to research PCOS, which caused lack of ovulation at times and difficulty getting pregnant. It was very common amongst women. One of the solutions was to work on diet, gluten free, more protein, no sweets, and to loose some weight. 2 weeks later, friend showed up again, the IUI didn't work. We had done 3 sessions now, and we decided one more just to try. I had to take a month off, due to having a cyst, and then tried again for number 4. That was also unsuccessful. I had also started working on our diets, new recipes, salads, a lot of fruits and veggies, less grains (I couldn't go completely gluten free) and no sweets. I started dropping the weight, not trying to, but it was not a bad thing. Hubby started loosing some as well! I started exercising more, walking in the evenings with Bella, still had the occasional glass of wine, but cut out sweets altogether. And for those of you who know me, that is NOT easy. I love chocolate, and sweets, and this was quite a challenge for me. <br />
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One of the new foods we found, because I was going semi gluten free, was spaghetti squash, I tried all kinds of new recipes with this vegie. This was was with marinara, mozzarella and basil. I mean overall, these new recipes weren't bad. Hubs enjoyed trying new things too. I started going crazy on pinterest, new recipes every other night! No sweets....</div>
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So, since we were still not pregnant, I started pouring myself into my etsy and sewing. I mean, it was like therapy and I would earn a little money :) I also really got into gardening a lot, it was spring by this point! Oh so many projects, it was taking my mind off of everything. I was over a year of trying, and 4 unsuccessful IUI's, 15 lbs lost, and I still had nothing to show for it...</div>
CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-44027753874417662892015-03-29T12:31:00.000-07:002015-04-02T06:32:28.991-07:00Project management: table and dining room<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
So with everything that has been going on, I decided to pour myself into a project. And I drafted the hubby! Always a good idea! There is an adorable antique shop not far from the house. I visit this place all the time, just looking, not necessarily buying anything. You have to go to these places all the time to get the good stuff. I fell in love with this table, it had all the right lines, it was French looking and the chairs were amazing. They had terrible fabric and the base was yellow. I decided to paint the table and chairs, so in doing so, you have to strip the paint first and sand it down. </div>
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Stripping....</div>
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More stripping....</div>
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Then I went to the local fabric store, and found this! And of course, my 1 table project turned into 2! Kitchen table and Dining room curtains! </div>
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Luckily, we didn't have a lot of furniture at the time, so I had the whole house to work on these projects! </div>
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Not so pretty fabric.....</div>
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Fabric for the chairs! </div>
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This turned into a PROJECT! </div>
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Yeah its like I have ADD when it comes to projects! So once I got the table stripped down, well I decided I liked the way it looked, just like this! I didn't want to paint it, why when its got the most amazing look to it! It looks like its so old, and has been in the family for years, when in reality, all we did is strip off paint! I love it! </div>
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-74bxbnzp5WY/VRG6xgmt07I/AAAAAAAABJs/-ByCa7gjlFw/s1600/DSC_1142.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-74bxbnzp5WY/VRG6xgmt07I/AAAAAAAABJs/-ByCa7gjlFw/s1600/DSC_1142.JPG" height="320" width="214" /></a>So I used the chairs for the dining room, and I used the table for the kitchen, and bought a new table for the dining room, stained and painted the table to look like the stripped table in the kitchen. I love this room, I just need to figure out the chandelier! </div>
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<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-79530630592566352592015-03-28T12:08:00.000-07:002015-04-02T06:32:52.109-07:00New nephew! December 4th, 2012, SIL went into labor! How exciting, hubby and I were about to be aunt and uncle! I remember getting the call, and so we raced home, grabbed a snack and raced to the hospital. We waited for several hours, she was in labor. She started pushing late evening, and by 11 something, baby Jacob was born! It was exciting, but we sat in that waiting room, and thought about how we were not sure when our time would come. The sad thing was, we had tried a series of IUI's and nothing was working just yet. We decided to take the holidays off, and now with the new baby around we knew we would be focusing on him. Hubby had gotten the news just days before that his count was low, so as a result, his demeanor was off. I too was sad and upset from the news. I knew we would have to retest, and I didn't know what that meant for us. I had gotten results that I had PCOS and that was why sometimes I ovulated and sometimes I didn't. And here we were, sitting in the hospital surrounded by people having babies, and welcoming a new addition to our family as well, knowing that we were about to have a long road ahead of us, just didn't know the path just yet.<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--EiBmXcTtIg/VRG1GB0TgtI/AAAAAAAABBw/TS-A7L11u6s/s1600/DSC_0227.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/--EiBmXcTtIg/VRG1GB0TgtI/AAAAAAAABBw/TS-A7L11u6s/s1600/DSC_0227.JPG" height="214" width="320" /></a>We were so excited about being Aunt and Uncle, it was a happy time! And we could get some great practice with diaper changes just in case we needed it soon. </div>
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We didn't know what we were in for at all. And still, there was a lot of questions amongst family and friends as to when we were going to have a baby. We just didn't talk about it much yet, because we didn't know what was really going on and we just wasn't sure how everyone would take it, the fact we were seeing a specialist (fertility at that). You see, not everyone believes in fertility drugs, and assistance with conception. I think that is crazy, but you have to be aware of the fact that its out there. </div>
<br />CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-91773687787394870112015-03-26T11:55:00.000-07:002015-04-14T06:39:16.514-07:00TestingMost people never set foot into a fertility clinic, which I think is great. I don't wish that upon anyone. The long hall to the entrance door, opening the door, and seeing other couples sitting there, same ages as you, and with the same look on their faces, despair and desperation. Its a different feeling, you know you are all there for the same reason, but no one speaks, baby pictures are on the walls to inspire you, and there are pregnancy magazines on the tables. No one looks at them though. People in the clinic are all praying and wishing for the exact same thing. Its a very weird feeling to know this. To the normal people out there, they don't get the feelings you go through when you have issues with fertility. And of course, we didn't know at all what our situation was going to be like either.<br />
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We got called back and had a consultation with the nurse practitioner. She wanted to do some blood testing on me, an ultrasound, and then testing on the hubby. Reluctant, we knew it was needed. We needed to know why I didn't ovulate every month, and if the hubs was ok too. Mainly because he had had a rough time years ago, when a tumor was found wedged within his organs. It wasn't cancer, and was able to removed, but he had a cyst on his testicle that could cause problems conceiving. When we were going through the surgery with the tumor, we spoke about IVF, sperm banks, etc, not knowing if chemo was needed. Little did I know, we would be talking about these types of things again, a few years later, this time for real!<br />
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One of the options we were given that day were IUI, which is artificial insemination. Basically they would use medication to beef up my ovaries, and then meds to release the egg or eggs at the time they wanted it to, and then insert the swimmers using a catheter. It was in the office, it was like a pap smear, and then you would have intercourse for 3 days after to ensure there was plenty of swimmers in there. Then you would test in 2 weeks, and hope for the best. The swimmers would be cleaned first, and warmed so that it was optimal for insertion. Leading up to the day of, you would get checked and make sure your ovaries were responding to the meds. They had good luck with the IUI's so we figured we would try it. You could do up to 6-7 of them, with about numbers 3-4 usually working. We had good odds, we were young, and it was the least invasive.<br />
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So, we set out for IUI. Its exciting at first, to think, ok we are under the care of a doctor, so this has to work right? Well, not everything works the first time, or at all. Its a toss up, and you have to be patient, again. Your patience gets really tried through all of this. CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3569375988757168300.post-55264852327441386752015-03-25T09:21:00.000-07:002015-03-25T09:21:34.820-07:00How it all began...So 6 months into our quest for baby, things got real. I decided to take a trip to my resident OBGYN and talk things over. It was kind of NOT HAPPENING! Everyone around me was pregnant, or trying or giving birth. I was 29, and you know thats the age. We got married when I turned 28, and hubby was 27. We moved to Florida, and I started a new job, which I was in love with. He loved his job, and we bought a house which we started renovating. By the way, thats great therapy when you are not able to conceive, you just start ripping things out! <br />
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So.....my doctor just told me to be patient, sometimes these things take time. I usually ask for lead times with my job, so of course I wanted the same with this. But my problem was the lack of ovulation, and again, "these things take time to regulate". Come back in 6 months, but in the mean time take pre-natal vitamins and keep trying. There is that word "trying". Its not a lack of trying, its a lack of eggs....</div>
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So friends, family and co-workers ask on a daily basis, "So when are you all going to have a little one?" People if I had that answer I would already have one! I don't have a lead time! I know others feel the same way, and then your sister in law announces they are expecting in December right before you all go on a cruise together with your in-laws. Not that that is a problem you will have a great time. You can drink and she can't but the conversation will be focused on baby to be, between everyone and you are kind of having a hard time at this point being super excited, when its been 9 months and you two started trying at the same time. So you plan your beverages for the trip, and feel cute in your bikinis while she is getting all the attention. Which she rightfully deserves! But you feel inadequate, knowing you are ovulating while on the cruise and hope for a little session or two with your hubby may seal the deal in international waters! </div>
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So 2 weeks later, guess who arrives? Thats right, your friend! Not the one you like to stay awhile, but the one that just is a pain in the a$%! At this point, we were getting really frustrated. Each month, same thing would happen. I would count, test, and sometimes I ovulated, and sometimes I didn't. The days I did, we would do what we needed to do, and even on the days I didn't ovulate, we still tried. We tried one month every day for 2 weeks! We were both tired of it, and it became a chore. And my nephew was getting close to being born, along with the holidays, so it was getting a little crazy in our lives. The constant "when are you all going to have your own" and "what is taking so long" was getting to me, and to my hubby. We didn't enjoy intimacy like we should. Seeing posts on Facebook about pregnancy announcements got to us too. It wasn't fun anymore. We decided to seek help...</div>
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CandaceAshleyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04941244974265739020noreply@blogger.com2