Wednesday, March 25, 2015

How it all began...

So 6 months into our quest for baby, things got real.  I decided to take a trip to my resident OBGYN and talk things over.  It was kind of NOT HAPPENING!  Everyone around me was pregnant, or trying or giving birth.  I was 29, and you know thats the age.  We got married when I turned 28, and hubby was 27.  We moved to Florida, and I started a new job, which I was in love with.  He loved his job, and we bought a house which we started renovating. By the way, thats great therapy when you are not able to conceive, you just start ripping things out! doctor just told me to be patient, sometimes these things take time.  I usually ask for lead times with my job, so of course I wanted the same with this.  But my problem was the lack of ovulation, and again, "these things take time to regulate".  Come back in 6 months, but in the mean time take pre-natal vitamins and keep trying.  There is that word "trying".  Its not a lack of trying, its a lack of eggs....

So friends, family and co-workers ask on a daily basis, "So when are you all going to have a little one?"  People if I had that answer I would already have one!  I don't have a lead time!  I know others feel the same way, and then your sister in law announces they are expecting in December right before you all go on a cruise together with your in-laws.  Not that that is a problem you will have a great time.  You can drink and she can't but the conversation will be focused on baby to be, between everyone and you are kind of having a hard time at this point being super excited, when its been 9 months and you two started trying at the same time.  So you plan your beverages for the trip, and feel cute in your bikinis while she is getting all the attention. Which she rightfully deserves!  But you feel inadequate, knowing you are ovulating while on the cruise and hope for a little session or two with your hubby may seal the deal in international waters!  

So 2 weeks later, guess who arrives?  Thats right, your friend!  Not the one you like to stay awhile, but the one that just is a pain in the a$%!  At this point, we were getting really frustrated.  Each month, same thing would happen.  I would count, test, and sometimes I ovulated, and sometimes I didn't.  The days I did, we would do what we needed to do, and even on the days I didn't ovulate, we still tried.  We tried one month every day for 2 weeks!  We were both tired of it, and it became a chore.  And my nephew was getting close to being born, along with the holidays, so it was getting a little crazy in our lives.  The constant "when are you all going to have your own" and "what is taking so long" was getting to me, and to my hubby.  We didn't enjoy intimacy like we should.  Seeing posts on Facebook about pregnancy announcements got to us too.  It wasn't fun anymore.  We decided to seek help...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


What is "trying" hear this ALL the time.  "Yeah, we are trying now", how exciting!  How fun is that!  The act of trying.  Well its trying in itself.  Who wants to count the number of days between your cycle, midway, pee on a stick that isn't a pregnancy test, only to find out that you may or may not be ovulating.  If you are, you call your hubby up, at work, or send winky faces to him all day.  You rush home, shave your legs, brush your hair, add mascara, and find the cutest undies and bra that you own, only to have him walk in on the phone trying to help that person cope with their situation, which may or may not be related to a death in the their family.  Complete buzz kill, and rightly so, but then your window is closing in.  You go back to work the next day, all worried, is it happening now, am I too late, am I too early, what if we miss it!  Then again, rush home, wait for the door, and he comes in, late from work because he took a patient late so that they could work around their schedule.  You eat dinner in silence, you don't want to push it on him, then its not fun, and you worry, and stress, and then the night is over and you are laying in bed wide awake at midnight, knowing that your window has closed.  Then you wait another 14 days for Aunt Flo, and when she arrives you start the count all over again!
Insert wine.....

Its a vicious cycle,  and those who say oh we are having so much fun, THEY ARE LYING!  Don't believe them!  Trying is supposed to be fun, but its only good for 2-3 days of the month!  And you have to "try" for those days solid!  By the 3rd day, and after months of "trying" your creativity is lacking, its becoming a chore, because in 14 days if you have your Aunt visit, then you know the count is on, and you are back to the drawing board.

And what if you don't ovulate midway, what if you miscalculated or you just didn't that time?  Well that happens too, and then you loose a month, a whole month is wasted.  So trying isn't all fun, well maybe for those who have it easy, but those who don't, trying is work.  And more people have trouble trying and succeeding than ever before.  But you won't know that because who talks about it?  I know I don't see posts on Facebook that say "oh we tried this month, but didn't have any luck" comments "better luck next month!" Or "another one bites the dust, our window has closed" comments, "open its faster!"

Then you find yourself planning trips, for "trying".  Getaways if you will.  Reasons to TRY all weekend long.  Lay on the beach, in bikinis and have drinks, its all very romantic.  No it is, but the purpose of your trip, well that could be debatable.  At first, yes it was fun, it was exciting, it was romantic, it got good, but then after 2 years, you just start getting tired.  You want results!  I mean after 6 months, it can get on your nerves, not that its not fun, but you know why you are trying.  Then your girlfriend who started when you did calls you up 6 months later, "I am due in May!"  Which is 5 months away, so you know it didn't take long at all.   You tell her how excited you are, and you get off the phone and say hey honey, lets try harder!!  We are lagging behind!  In reality you are starting a journey you didn't plan for or want for anyone.  Infertility....

Life Happens

For several years now, all my blog posts have been about my hobby and passion for all things creative.  Most of the reason I have had a blog and a hobby was to keep my mind off of other things such as moving to Florida from NC and leaving everything behind, finding a new job, learning a new city, traveling for work which got very tiring, and mostly infertility.  Its the word no one wants to admit, that you are having trouble starting a family.  It makes you feel, inadequate, and broken.  No one wants to admit it, but its rampant, and so many people go through it never share.  Its a silent thing, one between you and your partner, maybe a few close friends and maybe family.  We were there.  My love for being creative and pouring myself into fun projects made its a little easier to cope.  That, and wine and chocolate of course!

I hope my blog helps others that may be in the same boat, feeling barren, alone, or inadequate.  Its life, could be worse, and really it all becomes sweet nothings in the end anyway.

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Bridal show creations, up close!

I have just been that busy....there is more, but I better save it for more blogs!  And to think I have 2 more shows coming up this year....can't wait to see what I come up with, because you really never know with me! 

Amiro Art and Found Bridal Show

A friend and fellow interior designer/artist, Marcia at Marcia Makes, co-owns a beautiful little boutique in St. Augustine Florida, Amiro, Art and Found.  Local artists come and show their creations on consignment, with featured art shows throughout the year, including First Friday art walk.  This First Friday, was a new concept, a bridal show!  I was asked to show off my creations from Blue Chair.  I was very excited, and started creating some beautiful things, and thoroughly enjoyed myself, researching and making beautiful flowers.  Its not every day I get to make bridal creations so I had to take advantage.  

 It was just a perfect night, breezy and clear! 

 Blue Chair creations were in everyone's hair! 

 There was a couple who renewed their vows, and purchased one of my cream satin flowers, it was beautiful in her hair. 

It was a wonderful event, and I had a lot of fun.  I met so many wonderful people, and the girls at Amiro was so incredible.  Blue Chair will be featured this month in Amiro, so if you get to St. Augustine, you may need to check out the shop on 9 Aviles Street, 904-824-8460. 

Some great other shops to visit while you are in town, Daniel Thompson Bridal57 Treasury for more beautiful bridal ideas.  Make sure you walk down St. George Street for more boutiques!   Great restaurants include OC Whites, JP Henleys, and Harry's, all have been winners.  You just can't go wrong in this town, there is so much to see and do.  

Sunday, June 24, 2012

A bridal show to be

I have been trying to stay busy with my crafting, but lately its very challenging!  Work has been insane, and with day to day activities, life gets in the way of my hobby :)  But recently I was asked if I would participate in a bridal show at a shop called Amiro in St. Augustine Florida, right down the street from Jacksonville.  

 I was of course very excited and very flattered that I was asked to be part of the show.  So here are a few of my recent creations, I have several in the works as of now, but these are the pretties I have been working on!

 All the ring bearer pillows are burlap and vintage lace that a dear friend found for me at a remnant shop.  I couldn't resist using the lace. 

 Playing with wood, yes I am experimenting.  I am enjoying using my husbands power tools, he probably is enjoying the tutorials!  I have more to come, just need to paint! 

Recently I started playing with chalk board paint.  I am trying out new mediums with many of my favorites.  This is a fake cake I make, to display the cake toppers.  The show is in September, so I have a little bit of time, but its going to go by fast.  Lots to do!