Sunday, March 29, 2015

Project management: table and dining room

So with everything that has been going on, I decided to pour myself into a project.  And I drafted the hubby!  Always a good idea!  There is an adorable antique shop not far from the house.  I visit this place all the time, just looking, not necessarily buying anything.  You have to go to these places all the time to get the good stuff.  I fell in love with this table, it had all the right lines, it was French looking and the chairs were amazing.  They had terrible fabric and the base was yellow.  I decided to paint the table and chairs, so in doing so, you have to strip the paint first and sand it down.  


More stripping....

Then I went to the local fabric store, and found this!  And of course, my 1 table project turned into 2! Kitchen table and Dining room curtains!  

Luckily, we didn't have a lot of furniture at the time, so I had the whole house to work on these projects!  

Not so pretty fabric.....

Fabric for the chairs!  

This turned into a PROJECT!  

Yeah its like I have ADD when it comes to projects!  So once I got the table stripped down, well I decided I liked the way it looked, just like this!  I didn't want to paint it, why when its got the most amazing look to it!  It looks like its so old, and has been in the family for years, when in reality, all we did is strip off paint!  I love it!  

So I used the chairs for the dining room, and I used the table for the kitchen, and bought a new table for the dining room, stained and painted the table to look like the stripped table in the kitchen.  I love this room, I just need to figure out the chandelier!  

Saturday, March 28, 2015

New nephew!

December 4th, 2012, SIL went into labor!  How exciting, hubby and I were about to be aunt and uncle!  I remember getting the call, and so we raced home, grabbed a snack and raced to the hospital. We waited for several hours, she was in labor.  She started pushing late evening, and by 11 something, baby Jacob was born!  It was exciting, but we sat in that waiting room, and thought about how we were not sure when our time would come.  The sad thing was, we had tried a series of IUI's and nothing was working just yet.  We decided to take the holidays off, and now with the new baby around we knew we would be focusing on him.  Hubby had gotten the news just days before that his count was low, so as a result, his demeanor was off.  I too was sad and upset from the news.  I knew we would have to retest, and I didn't know what that meant for us.  I had gotten results that I had PCOS and that was why sometimes I ovulated and sometimes I didn't.  And here we were, sitting in the hospital surrounded by people having babies, and welcoming a new addition to our family as well, knowing that we were about to have a long road ahead of us, just didn't know the path just yet.

We were so excited about being Aunt and Uncle, it was a happy time!  And we could get some great practice with diaper changes just in case we needed it soon.  

We didn't know what we were in for at all.  And still, there was a lot of questions amongst family and friends as to when we were going to have a baby.  We just didn't talk about it much yet, because we didn't know what was really going on and we just wasn't sure how everyone would take it, the fact we were seeing a specialist (fertility at that).  You see, not everyone believes in fertility drugs, and assistance with conception.  I think that is crazy, but you have to be aware of the fact that its out there.  

Thursday, March 26, 2015


Most people never set foot into a fertility clinic, which I think is great. I don't wish that upon anyone. The long hall to the entrance door, opening the door, and seeing other couples sitting there, same ages as you, and with the same look on their faces, despair and desperation.  Its a different feeling, you know you are all there for the same reason, but no one speaks, baby pictures are on the walls to inspire you, and there are pregnancy magazines on the tables.  No one looks at them though.  People in the clinic are all praying and wishing for the exact same thing.  Its a very weird feeling to know this.  To the normal people out there, they don't get the feelings you go through when you have issues with fertility.  And of course, we didn't know at all what our situation was going to be like either.

We got called back and had a consultation with the nurse practitioner.  She wanted to do some blood testing on me, an ultrasound, and then testing on the hubby.  Reluctant, we knew it was needed.  We needed to know why I didn't ovulate every month, and if the hubs was ok too.  Mainly because he had had a rough time years ago, when a tumor was found wedged within his organs.  It wasn't cancer, and was able to removed, but he had a cyst on his testicle that could cause problems conceiving.  When we were going through the surgery with the tumor, we spoke about IVF, sperm banks, etc, not knowing if chemo was needed.  Little did I know, we would be talking about these types of things again, a few years later, this time for real!

One of the options we were given that day were IUI, which is artificial insemination.  Basically they would use medication to beef up my ovaries, and then meds to release the egg or eggs at the time they wanted it to, and then insert the swimmers using a catheter.  It was in the office, it was like a pap smear, and then you would have intercourse for 3 days after to ensure there was plenty of swimmers in there.  Then you would test in 2 weeks, and hope for the best.  The swimmers would be cleaned first, and warmed so that it was optimal for insertion.  Leading up to the day of, you would get checked and make sure your ovaries were responding to the meds.  They had good luck with the IUI's so we figured we would try it.  You could do up to 6-7 of them, with about numbers 3-4 usually working.  We had good odds, we were young, and it was the least invasive.

So, we set out for IUI.  Its exciting at first, to think, ok we are under the care of a doctor, so this has to work right?  Well, not everything works the first time, or at all.  Its a toss up, and you have to be patient, again.  Your patience gets really tried through all of this.

Wednesday, March 25, 2015

How it all began...

So 6 months into our quest for baby, things got real.  I decided to take a trip to my resident OBGYN and talk things over.  It was kind of NOT HAPPENING!  Everyone around me was pregnant, or trying or giving birth.  I was 29, and you know thats the age.  We got married when I turned 28, and hubby was 27.  We moved to Florida, and I started a new job, which I was in love with.  He loved his job, and we bought a house which we started renovating. By the way, thats great therapy when you are not able to conceive, you just start ripping things out! doctor just told me to be patient, sometimes these things take time.  I usually ask for lead times with my job, so of course I wanted the same with this.  But my problem was the lack of ovulation, and again, "these things take time to regulate".  Come back in 6 months, but in the mean time take pre-natal vitamins and keep trying.  There is that word "trying".  Its not a lack of trying, its a lack of eggs....

So friends, family and co-workers ask on a daily basis, "So when are you all going to have a little one?"  People if I had that answer I would already have one!  I don't have a lead time!  I know others feel the same way, and then your sister in law announces they are expecting in December right before you all go on a cruise together with your in-laws.  Not that that is a problem you will have a great time.  You can drink and she can't but the conversation will be focused on baby to be, between everyone and you are kind of having a hard time at this point being super excited, when its been 9 months and you two started trying at the same time.  So you plan your beverages for the trip, and feel cute in your bikinis while she is getting all the attention. Which she rightfully deserves!  But you feel inadequate, knowing you are ovulating while on the cruise and hope for a little session or two with your hubby may seal the deal in international waters!  

So 2 weeks later, guess who arrives?  Thats right, your friend!  Not the one you like to stay awhile, but the one that just is a pain in the a$%!  At this point, we were getting really frustrated.  Each month, same thing would happen.  I would count, test, and sometimes I ovulated, and sometimes I didn't.  The days I did, we would do what we needed to do, and even on the days I didn't ovulate, we still tried.  We tried one month every day for 2 weeks!  We were both tired of it, and it became a chore.  And my nephew was getting close to being born, along with the holidays, so it was getting a little crazy in our lives.  The constant "when are you all going to have your own" and "what is taking so long" was getting to me, and to my hubby.  We didn't enjoy intimacy like we should.  Seeing posts on Facebook about pregnancy announcements got to us too.  It wasn't fun anymore.  We decided to seek help...

Tuesday, March 24, 2015


What is "trying" hear this ALL the time.  "Yeah, we are trying now", how exciting!  How fun is that!  The act of trying.  Well its trying in itself.  Who wants to count the number of days between your cycle, midway, pee on a stick that isn't a pregnancy test, only to find out that you may or may not be ovulating.  If you are, you call your hubby up, at work, or send winky faces to him all day.  You rush home, shave your legs, brush your hair, add mascara, and find the cutest undies and bra that you own, only to have him walk in on the phone trying to help that person cope with their situation, which may or may not be related to a death in the their family.  Complete buzz kill, and rightly so, but then your window is closing in.  You go back to work the next day, all worried, is it happening now, am I too late, am I too early, what if we miss it!  Then again, rush home, wait for the door, and he comes in, late from work because he took a patient late so that they could work around their schedule.  You eat dinner in silence, you don't want to push it on him, then its not fun, and you worry, and stress, and then the night is over and you are laying in bed wide awake at midnight, knowing that your window has closed.  Then you wait another 14 days for Aunt Flo, and when she arrives you start the count all over again!
Insert wine.....

Its a vicious cycle,  and those who say oh we are having so much fun, THEY ARE LYING!  Don't believe them!  Trying is supposed to be fun, but its only good for 2-3 days of the month!  And you have to "try" for those days solid!  By the 3rd day, and after months of "trying" your creativity is lacking, its becoming a chore, because in 14 days if you have your Aunt visit, then you know the count is on, and you are back to the drawing board.

And what if you don't ovulate midway, what if you miscalculated or you just didn't that time?  Well that happens too, and then you loose a month, a whole month is wasted.  So trying isn't all fun, well maybe for those who have it easy, but those who don't, trying is work.  And more people have trouble trying and succeeding than ever before.  But you won't know that because who talks about it?  I know I don't see posts on Facebook that say "oh we tried this month, but didn't have any luck" comments "better luck next month!" Or "another one bites the dust, our window has closed" comments, "open its faster!"

Then you find yourself planning trips, for "trying".  Getaways if you will.  Reasons to TRY all weekend long.  Lay on the beach, in bikinis and have drinks, its all very romantic.  No it is, but the purpose of your trip, well that could be debatable.  At first, yes it was fun, it was exciting, it was romantic, it got good, but then after 2 years, you just start getting tired.  You want results!  I mean after 6 months, it can get on your nerves, not that its not fun, but you know why you are trying.  Then your girlfriend who started when you did calls you up 6 months later, "I am due in May!"  Which is 5 months away, so you know it didn't take long at all.   You tell her how excited you are, and you get off the phone and say hey honey, lets try harder!!  We are lagging behind!  In reality you are starting a journey you didn't plan for or want for anyone.  Infertility....