May continues....it seemed to be a long month!

The days leading up to May 9th seemed to be the longest days.  It was the anticipation of another FET.  I had so many emotions, I was nervous, scared, happy, worried, excited, and so forth.  There really isn't words to describe how you feel when you are going through fertility treatments, and the days leading up to a procedure that would change your life, no matter what the outcome.  Thats the crazy part, no one really talks about the way you feel.  Of course, I can't even describe it.  And thinking back, it was like 2 days before Mother's day, of course thats like the worst time to do it.

Something I did different this time, was I went the night before for a massage.  I figured, you know, it wouldn't hurt to be extra relaxed.  I also painted my toes and nails, plucked my eyebrows, I could at least look good doing all this to myself.  It was for a good cause, it was a gamble but the gamble could produce a beautiful baby one day.  That was a gamble we were willing to take.

Waiting.....

We went in, like normal.  I drank a ton of water prior to the procedure, as part of the protocol.  That way your uterus is in the right position.  And I sat in the waiting room with other couples, doing the same thing, drinking water, and waiting for their fate.  Its the worst wait, having to pee, and waiting to get pregnant.  Its not romantic at all.  They give you a time to come in, so they can thaw out the little popsicles, and get things ready for the transfer.  No romance at all.  And to top it all off, you feel just empty.  You have been taking medication all month to shut your system down so that you don't ovulate or have your period.  But you aren't alone, the waiting room is full of others in the same boat. Thats how I would get through things.   Then called back, about to pee in your pants, having to gown up and get ready.  Having to pee that bad is bad enough as it is, when you know you are about to have about 5 people look at your private area, stick a probe inside and hope for the best....its the weirdest feeling really.  I was getting used to this, but you never get used to wondering if you are pregnant or not.  Thats the worst.  Then in 10 days, you go back in for a blood test to see if its positive or not, then 2 days later to check your levels, to make sure they double.  So you wait for 2 weeks in agony.  Oh yes, this was how it was going to be.  

We went home, feeling hopeful, ready to rest for the next two days, on my back really.  And then for 2 weeks just relax and not do alot of activity.  Only one girl at work knew I was going through all of this, that way if I needed her to carry something for me or help me in general get through a day of spotting or bleeding, she was there.  I had to think the worst, I knew nothing else.  

The cruise was coming up.  That was something to look forward to.  However, I counted the days, and 2 days prior to the cruise was the day I would find out, and then the day of the cruise, I would have to go in for another blood test.  Then I would not have any access to phones for the entire weekend.  It was Memorial day weekend and our anniversary weekend.  Oh good grief!