Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Will May never end!

I know right another May post! I told you it was a long month.  Anytime you do anything with fertility, its long.  Its a process.  Nothing is quick, its a miracle really that anyone gets pregnant on their own.  The stars and moon and sun and the universe have to be just right.

May 19th, hubby and I had to know.  I knew if I waited till the 20th, and it was negative, I would be devastated.  He wouldn't be with me, he would be at work when I get the call.  It was like the times before, we checked the day before to help me get through this.  Again, no romance, no happiness, when you pee on a stick after a fertility treatment.  Its pretty much a holding of your breath, and hoping you can breathe.  Again, it takes forever for the stick to turn too.  So I did it, and hubby stayed in there with me, and I handed it to him.  We waited, I couldn't look, but then I wanted to, and we just looked together.

Positive!  We started crying at this point.  It didn't mean we were out of the woods, it was the beginning of who knew what.  It just meant, I would go in and feel good about my May 20th appt to give blood.  And then, we would have to wait 2 days for another test for levels to rise or fall.  So that second test would be the day of our cruise.

I went in the following day, for a screening, and then I would have to wait all day long for the results, a phone call.  They would call before 4:00.  And they called, at like 3:30, to tell me it was positive.  A 179, which was good.  It needed to double or more in 2 days.  I went home from work, nervous, excited for a minute, but nervous.  I started packing for our cruise which was in less than 2 days.  

Another day at work, and I had to keep quiet.  I mean I would be keeping quiet for weeks if this took.   I  finished packing that night, and in preparation, I took pads and liners, worrying that I would start to miscarry on the cruise, and I would need heavy flow gear, along with my bathing suits.  All my suits were one pieces, as my stomach and butt were pin cushions, and looked as though I had been in several odd fights.  I was black and blue, and swollen.  One pieces are in style, why not right!  
Friday came around, and we went in first thing in the morning.  We were told we would get called by the afternoon, and knowing our afternoon, I needed to have the call prior to us leaving port.  We would be leaving around 4 pm into international waters, with no cell reception.  Can we get any more complicated!  

We made it to the port, unloaded the cars, and started our journey to the ship.  Sweetie wouldn't let me carry much, so it was getting obvious to family what was going on.  His parents knew but my brother and sister in law did not.  We started to relax onboard, unpacking and changing into our cruising gear.  Sweetie and I explored the boat, and tried to be alone if we could.  I knew if I got that call and it was bad news, I would not be doing well.  We waited, and waited.  I finally called about 2:30 wanting to know the results, and I was told I would have to keep waiting, they would call me.  Soon, we were called to our muster stations for practicing an evacuation and we were told all cell phones to be off.  I think not!  I am about to find out some of the most important thing in my life I will keep my phone on thank you very much.  I started to get very anxious and panicked.  It was almost 4, and we were jammed packed in the muster station.  I will never forget this as long as I live, here we were, surrounded by Indian folk, it was hot, I was short around all the tall men, it was loud, and there wasn't a breeze.  Hubby stood behind me, I gripped my cell phone in my hands, and it rang. In the middle of the hot, uncomfortable muster station, surrounded by strangers I was going to get my news.  He grabbed the phone, as my heart sank to my feet, and raced through the crowd away from me to answer it.  I was alone, and I couldn't see him.  I was literally surrounded by hundreds of people and I was alone.  I started to cry under my glasses.  I couldn't see him, where was he.  Why is this taking so long, I know that was the call.  I strained my neck and stood on my toes, no sign of him.  He ran away with my fate.  OMG!  I can't take this, I am crying at this point, and praying I can get through whatever is coming my way.  I am praying to stay calm, to keep cool, I was praying for a breeze at least.  All of a sudden, arms wrapped around my waist, and he whispered in my ear, 440.  440!!!!!!  I grabbed his hands, and he kissed my neck, I kept crying.  It doubled and then some.  He had made our first ultrasound appt for June 4th.  We would get to see the baby and hear the heartbeat. I was over the moon.  Around those people, we were the only ones, I heard nothing more, but him talking to me.  We had made it farther than we did in the past, with high numbers.  Now, to make it through the weekend.  Now to make it to June 4th.  Due date, estimated was January 25th.  Now we could celebrate, at least this one victory.  We were not out of the woods yet.  

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Thank you for leaving me a Sweet Nothing!